The Return of Bobby Spandrel
by tempest10
Summary: Just an idea I had. I always wondered what would happen if Artemis and Jasper met. I don't own anything. Complete for now, unless someone complains about the gaping plot holes and demands i fix them. Review please!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It was another sunny day in Pelt. Lily, Jasper, and Katie were walking through the woods behind Jasper's house. Lily was thinking about Delaware, where they had gone on their last adventure. She had liked it there, and wanted to return soon. Katie was daydreaming about Drgnan Pghlik, a monk she had met on that same adventure. He was going to go to the school dance with her. Now, monks do not normally go to school dances, but Drgnan was different. Currently, he was inside helping Jasper's mother make lunch. "Come on, chums!" Jasper urged. He had wanted them to see one of his new inventions. They walked for a little while longer, before ending up at one of the experimental bunkers, this one looking newer than the others. Jasper opened the large metal doors and led the others into the dimly lit underground room. He flicked on the light.

Lily and Katie squinted for a second, and then looked around. There were some shelves with a variety of tools, and a long bench. A tall mirror stood in the corner. Katie looked in it and brushed her long blond hair out of her eyes. Then they both saw what Jasper was showing them. It appeared to be a large AM/FM radio mounted on a board. There was an antenna, and valves, as well as a large gearwheel with handles attached. There was a pipe coming out of one side, and a big lever on the other. Next to the lever was an arrow, pointing up and down. On top, it said ON. At the bottom it said OFF. It was currently at OFF.

"Wow." said Lily, blowing diagonally on her bangs so she could see better. "What is it?"

For a moment Jasper looked downhearted. "Well, it was supposed to be a larger version of my ray gun. And it works. Well, sort of."

Katie looked nervously at the machine. "Um, what do mean, sort of?"

"Stand back; I'll show you." Jasper walked toward the machine, turned the wheel twice, pushed up the lever, and dove behind the workbench. A huge orange laser shot out of the pipe, knocking down several tools, and blowing a hole in the wall. Then there was a bang, the antenna fell off, and a plume of smoke rose from the device.

Katie stood up, gasping. "Jasper, that could have killed us!" She helped Lily to her feet, and both girls backed away from the box.

Jasper did not seem unduly bothered by this, grabbing some wires that had sprung free, he said, "All it needs are a few adjustments, then it'll work fine! Ah, Drgnan!"

This last part was because Drgnan Pghlik had just entered. After telling them that their lunch was ready, the four trooped back to the house, where they were served bowls of steaming mac and cheese. Over their food, Jasper whispered to them, "There is something else, though. I was repairing a hole from the last test, and, surprisingly, it led into what looked like a city. Another time, it was an ocean. I think it made a hole between dimensions!"

Katie dropped her spoon. The others looked at Jasper in shock. Finally Katie choked out, "A hole. Between dimensions."

Lily asked, "Can things come into ours, through the hole?" She was thinking of a book she'd read, where just the same thing had happened.

Jasper shook his head. "Oh, no. I boarded up the holes with plywood. Nothing will get through there!" He smiled confidently, and then whispered, "I think, though, that we should perhaps go through the hole, and see what's on the other side!"

Katie dropped her spoon again. Drgnan looked delighted. "Wonderful!" he said. "When are we going to go?"

"Sometime tomorrow. Meet me here, and don't look so worried, Katie! We'll just pop in, look around, and be back before we notice we're gone!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next day, around noon, Katie, Lily, and Drgnan were behind Jasper's house. They all had a backpack of emergency supplies, 'just in case'. Jasper came out the back door, also carrying a heavy rucksack. "Well, let's go!" They all walked through the woods toward the bunker. They were so excited that they didn't even notice they were being followed.

Entering the bunker, Jasper showed the others the hole. At first, it did just look like a hole, but looking closely, you could see a glimmer of blue sky, and some grass. They were about to go through when Jasper ran back and grabbed the radio-like device that had created the hole, now wheeled. "We may need it," he explained.

They all went through, lugging the machine behind them. After emerging, they sat on the grass, looking around. It really looked the same as the place they'd left.

"At least this one isn't under water," Katie observed.

"What's that?" Lily was pointing towards something in the distance. It looked like a castle, although they couldn't really tell, it being so far away.

After some discussion, they marked the spot with some stones, and walked in the castle's direction. After some time, they saw it probably wasn't a castle, but a large and fancy house. There was a wall around it, and the rest looked very well defended.

"Maybe this place is still medieval, or something like that. Time is probably different in other dimensions, right?" Lily looked at Jasper for confirmation.

He was looking at the house, rubbing his chin. "Hmm. Maybe, Lily. Great Scott, what's that?"

His concern was directed at a large bird, which had flown rather close, and then peeling off in the direction of a nearby forest. They returned their attention to the house. Lily and Katie were worried, but the boys showed no such qualms. They began walking around to the other side, in which they discovered a pair of gates. They were tall, and made of metal. Further examination revealed what looked like cameras mounted on the poles. Jasper climbed on Drgnan's shoulders and tapped the glass. When he came down, Jasper stated, "I do not believe we are in medieval times. The cameras look like modern technology to me."

Katie rolled her eyes. "You really think so?"

"Yes, in fact, I do."

Two things happened then. Katie tickled Jasper, causing his hat to fall off. As he bent down to retrieve it, the gate was opened by a strange looking boy.

The strange boy was dressed in a fancy suit. His pale blue eyes looked at them calmly. He had jet black, neatly combed, hair, which contrasted sharply with his pale skin.

There was something about this boy that Lily did not like. Something about him sent shivers up her spine. One look at her companions told her that they all felt the same way. Drgnan Pghlik looked the most worried. It must have had something to do with his monk training.

"I," said the stranger, "am Artemis Fowl. _Who _are you?"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Artemis looked at them calmly. Jasper stepped forward to introduce himself.

"I'm Jasper Dash, Boy Technonaut."

The others followed his example:

"Hi. My name's Katie Mulligan."

"Drgnan Pghlik, monk of Vbngoom."

"I'm Lily Gefelty."

Now that introductions were made, the two groups stood in front of each other, filled with awkward silence. There was no telling how long this would have gone on, unless Jasper had not seen someone trying to steal his Amazing Dimension-Hole Maker (as he had decided to name his latest invention) by gradually inching it into a thicket of bushes.

"Jupiter's moons!" yelled Jasper, "Give that back, you thieving miscreant!" He leapt into the bushes, and returned a few moments later pulling his device behind him, looking a bit dissatisfied.

"Who was it?" asked Lily. "Did you see him?"

Jasper shook his head. "I just saw him running away. It was a short fellow, though. He didn't look taller than three or four feet tall."

Artemis, who had been listening in silence to the discussion, added softly, "I think you'd better come inside."

The group slowly filed through the gates, Jasper still pulling the Dimension-Hole Maker behind him, in case some other dastardly thief tried to pilfer it. They were led into a walled area, inside which was the huge house they had thought was a castle. Moving through many corridors, they arrived in what looked like a sitting room. They all sat in various chairs, around the room.

Artemis gestured to Jasper's device. "First of all, what does that do?"

"It makes a hole between dimensions." Jasper replied proudly. "That's how we got here."

Lily nudged him. "Are you sure you should tell him that", she whispered. "He looks dangerous to me."

Drgnan agreed.

"I can hear you, you know," Artemis put in. "After all, we are in the same room." He got up, and closed the navy blue curtains in front of the large window. "About the thief though… does your world have fairies?"

Katie looked at him skeptically. "Does that include zombies, werewolves, vampires, mind-sloths, dinosaurs, kangaroo-riding cannibals, or ghosts?"

"Don't forget mountain squids and sentient lobsters," Drgnan added.

"Remember those walking whales? And Larry? Do those count?" Lily glanced at Jasper for confirmation.

"Hmm, maybe. Oh, yes, and the Curse of the Jaguar. Is there a point?" The four looked across the room at Artemis.

Artemis smiled. It was not a nice smile. "Actually, there is. I wanted to be certain I knew who you were." He turned around, and appeared to be adjusting something in front of his face, and then dropped something on the ground. He turned around. Jasper gasped!

His real head was a foot-and-a-half wide silver sphere, which buzzed with static electricity. He had also dropped the artificial hands and feet. It was Jasper's archenemy Bobby Spandrel!

Jasper automatically reached for his ray gun, but it was out of batteries. He dove to the floor just in time to avoid the blue energy pulse shot at him from Spandrel's missing hands. Lily and Katie had dropped as well, looking at him with horror. Could Spandrel really be back?

As though he had heard them think, he chortled unpleasantly, "I told you, back at Vbngoom that I would return, and now I have! Ha ha ha!" He fired another energy pulse at Drgnan, who managed to duck behind a chair just in time. Jasper swore ("Saturn's Rings!") and jiggled the ray gun. Nothing. The batteries were completely dead.

Katie and Lily looked at each other. What to do? There could be more thugs. The last time they'd fought, he'd had a whole lot of gangsters working for him!

They ran for the exit anyway. On the way, Katie grabbed hold of Drgnan's sleeve, pulling him along. Jasper leapt up, grabbed a vase from a coffee table, and threw it at Bobby Spandrel. While the villain was distracted thusly, he fled the room as well. The four flung open the door and dashed down an unfamiliar corridor with Spandrel's incensed cries echoing behind them.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

They dashed into an open room, and hid behind some curtains. Lily was frightened at what had happened. Katie was irritated that she had come along on this wild goose chase in the first place. Jasper was miffed, and a little apprehensive about leaving behind his invention. Drgnan was peeking around the drapes, watching for danger.

Suddenly, a man with a gun ran into the room! The man was tall, bald, and wearing a suit. He waved his gun around, and began to slowly and methodically search the room. He looked in a dresser, and under the chairs. He even opened the drawers in a small table, moving closer to the curtains.

Jasper took a pen from his pocket and wrote on the wall they were standing next to. _When he gets here, jump out and distract him._ Lily took the ballpoint and wrote _how?_ Drgnan took it, and wrote _I will jump on him. Jasper can try and find his machine. Lily and Katie will-_ but he didn't get to complete his sentence. The gentleman lifted up the curtains.

"NOW!" Jasper jumped and dodged the guy. The other three kids scattered like rabbits, but the man moved to block the doorway. It was a standoff. If the man moved, they could run off. If he didn't budge, they were trapped. There was a window, sure, but it was a long way to the ground. However, the Boy Technonaut had a plan. Edging carefully around, he was standing next to a clock on a table. Inconspicuously, he reached behind the clock and, holding a small screwdriver, began to remove a panel on the back.

The man looked at the kids, and they looked back, slowly moving around the room. Jasper was groping blindly inside the timepiece, and grabbed the batteries. Feverishly hoping they were the right size, he removed them, and took a quick look.

_Yes! _Working slowly to disguise his movement, he slipped the batteries into the back of his ray gun and snapped the panel closed. The tall man's eyes flickered towards him, and Jasper raised his gun.

Jasper fired! He did not fire directly at that man, because it would be ungentlemanly, but it was close enough to make him duck. "There's more where that came from, you scoundrel!" he shouted. Taking advantage of the tall man being distracted, the others ran through the door, and out. Jasper loosed one more shot, and then followed.

Finding themselves in the hallway again, they hurried back to the room with the machine in it, since they needed it to get back. Fortunately, Spandrel was not there, but puzzlingly, tied to a chair, was an angry-looking, dark haired boy who looked just like Bobby Spandrel's disguise. The only difference was the eyes. This person's were mismatched, one hazel and one blue.

"Mmmmmph," the strange boy said, or tried to say, since he was gagged as well. Lily took out the gag, but didn't untie him. He was probably tied up for a reason. "Who are you?" asked the boy.

"Who are _you_?" Katie replied.

"Artemis Fowl. Please untie me."

Jasper, however, had discovered his machine and was lugging it in into the middle of the room. Opening a panel on the back, he reached in, grabbed some wires, and began to rearrange them. The others in the room watched him wrestle with the device.

Finally, Jasper stood up and said "It took a pretty bad beating, during the fight, but just let me crank it up, and it will be ready to go!" He began to turn the big gearwheel.

Artemis coughed. He was beginning to worry that they had forgotten about him.

However, he shouldn't have bothered. The next minute, the tall man from earlier in the chapter burst in and took in the scene before him. He was understandably confused

Just then though, Jasper pushed up on the lever. "DUCK!" he yelled. Everybody dove behind a piece of furniture, the kids because they had seen it been used before, and the man because the others seemed frightened. Artemis, however, didn't duck because he was still tied to a chair. Luckily, the laser missed him.

When the lights had stopped, Drgnan was the first to dive through the portal created by Jasper's prototype. Katie and Lily followed. Jasper shoved his contraption through, and then jumped through himself.

Safely on the familiar side, Jasper grabbed a large plank of plywood and shoved it safely in front of the hole.

On the other side, Artemis blinked twice and said, "Butler, please untie me. I think I need an aspirin."


End file.
